This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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