Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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