If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
farters have to be the big spoon...
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize