I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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