the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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