I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize