i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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