I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
try to milk me bitch
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