Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
