Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
They have beer where we have blood.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
