dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
