I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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