Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
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