he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
