My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
