my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
