After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Randomize
