I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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