Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
