Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
