and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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