The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
