you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
