Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
