4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
