I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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