If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
