as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Randomize
