Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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