Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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