just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I need to align my fucking chakras
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
