Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
