I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
it was like eating out sand paper
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
