I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
