Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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