he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
