I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize