O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
