I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
