my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
