There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
