I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
