he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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