Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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