Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
