Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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