he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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