she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
