Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
