wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Randomize
