Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
NoShamevember. You game?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Randomize
