I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I need moral support for this bender
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize