Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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