I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
