no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
smell my finger.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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