My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I pour the whiskey from now on
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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