I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
