i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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