And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
