I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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