my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
