It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Randomize
