hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
