I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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