i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
