Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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