Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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