Sponge bath it is.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
