that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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