a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
