At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I'm just crazy horny about you
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Randomize
