Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
