Swine flu. Run for my life!
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
