so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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