You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
