I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
