sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
