My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
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