i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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