with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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