My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
